It’s Fun…
I am realizing that life really is fun. It comes with its little test and trials, but at the end of the day life is fun.
In the past it took seeing things from a different perspective, usually someone else’s perspective to realize that life is fun. In the past for me there was nothing wrong with that as I learned to be very receptive of other people’s views. I come from a very and when I mean very, very loving family. Coming from a family that just loved and loved to love others was a lot of my early childhood. We were always giving back to the community in some way such as feeding the homeless, busing in people to attend church, being a PK (pastors kid) we were always doing something. We grew up in love, love was all around us for many of the years. It was great as it helped to teach me how to love others, how to really understand where someone else might come from, their perspective. Growing up in love and learning how to give love was wonderful and is a big part of my success. But as some test and trials came as I grew older that love was sometimes hard to find.
It was hard at times because I knew how to give love to others, but I never gave love back to myself. I heard all the great things people would say but at the end of the day it is up to me how I dish out gratitude and accolades, Love. At moments in the past when I was laid off from work, stressing over bill after bill I didn’t want to hear how great I was. I didn’t want to hear it, because I didn’t believe it with my whole heart. I didn’t want to hear anything really because in those moments when I needed love, I rejected it. In those moments when family and friends were just trying to show me love by being there in the right moment I rejected them. I knew how to give love but I didn’t know how to receive love. My perspective on love was one-sided for it was better to give than to receive. But when I really needed love I didn’t know how to receive love, I didn’t know how to open up.
I stayed bottled up wearing my turtle neck no matter the weather condition, and living in So Cal has its benefits. See, during the day as I am out and about showing love to others it was easy to hide behind all the smiles. How can I not smile when I see everyone around me doing amazing, that is how I grew up. It was easy to be happy for others, it was easy because it was how I grew up. It was natural to smile and love my way through life during the day but once I got home was when the real test and trials started to come. I began to compare myself to others, I began to compare myself to the younger more fun me. At night it turned into this ongoing comparing contest as I compare my current status, to the past who forgot about me, and the future who still is trying to figure out life. I compared the past and the future so much I lived in the past trying to guess the future, while the present moment was happening right in front of me. Life was happening right in front of me.
I knew how to give love, I knew how to show love, but receiving love, maybe another time. Time does have a way of fixing things…My life began to spill out as the cork finally popped. I no longer was growing up, I was growing out. It was time to grow out of my current status and live the present life. Live the life God gave me today as a present as a gift. All along I wasn’t able to receive love because I couldn’t even simply be thankful for this lovely present day from my father, my Abba. In my moment of life’s test and trials I could never receive my families and friends lovely words of encouragement, I in those moments had too much self-doubt. But it was time for change. See, time does have a way of fixing things…My life, my true life the one I use to live after clocking out was one full of comparing me to me and everyone else in between. The self-doubt was no longer hiding as it finally got tired of no sunlight. It wanted to now shine its not so bright light, you know that un-wanted attention light. Yea, everywhere I went I felt like a walking self-doubt billboard. It was hard not to believe as relationship after relationship was failing, and lay off notice again and again was being received. Hard to believe I was a walking self-doubt billboard, but not really when I truly lived it. Honest moments…
It was time for me to make a choice either live the rest of my live with self-doubt or take back control and grab the cleaning supplies. Growing up the moments that stuck with me and have blossomed into fun was cleaning. Say what you want to say but when you wake up to loud music and the smell of pine sol, only choice is to join mom in the cleaning, no questions asked. After some time you begin to enjoy those moment cleaning with your mom and they stick with you. Time does have a way of fixing things…Well, as you can see they have stuck with me. I knew that if I was to move forward in love and not live my live in this self-pity party of self-doubt I needed to grab the cleaning supplies and turn the music up. It was time to have fun and clean up these negative thoughts in this mind of mine. It was time to live the life my Abba, my God intended for me to live. It was time for me to be thankful for this present life this present moment and live life with my family and friends. We all go through our own test and trails, but it is We that get us through.
I had to stop living for me and live for the We. It was time to have fun and not be focused on my current status, as we are all living this current status. We should be living this present moment together encouraging each other through our test and trials. It’s Fun together…
“Let every one of us please his neighbor for his good to edification.” (Romans 15:2)
