Fighting Relaxation…
The past few weeks I had this familiar but as of recently not so familiar feeling come back. In the past me and this feeling were really close, tight, we were One. The feeling was so apart of me I would go back for It when I couldn’t feel It anymore. It was a dependent and selfish relationship between us both.
See, truly deep down I like moments of relaxation. It allows me to really use my brain the right way and make sure things are in correct order. I cherish moments of relaxation with my family and friends enjoying time with them. But relaxation is only something I recently discovered. This other feeling, restlessness, was selfish and demanding. For so long I gave it all my attention. I became dependent on restlessness while it selfishly held me back from moving forward. But on the other hand, it was hard to move forward when I didn’t know which direction I was going. Restlessness had such a hold on me I began to be uncomfortable in silence. Silence to me brought on this anxiety as if something big was going to happen, and ideas would rush through my head. It didn’t stop there as restlessness became a part of my work life. In moments of working this anxiety of not completing whatever I was doing at the time would force my work. It all seems so tiring now but then it was my normal, it was my life.
Over the past few years, I have been working to replace restlessness with relaxation, and as of lately relaxation is becoming more apart of my life. Instead of just sitting around doing nothing except worrying and having anxiety my relaxation has turned into a time of productivity. I’m not spending my time being worried about things or situations out of my control, but over the past couple of weeks something was different. I began to worry a little more, and instead of addressing the issue at the moment I let it build. I was starting to fight again; I was beginning a battle with relaxation. A selfish fight that I know only ends with me handing power back over to the one thing I already defeated, restlessness. I came so far and I was beginning down a path all too familiar, but this time it had to be different. I was enjoying the peace and relaxation, but in the past I would fight it. I couldn’t fight anymore because I didn’t want to fight. So I did the one thing that I was practicing and relaxed. Allowed my mind to be calm and self controlled.
There are going to be major battles that we are going to overcome throughout our journey. For that reason we must be careful to not allow ourselves to hand back power to the one thing(s) we defeated that held us back from moving forward.
