Unbelief…Disobedience…
When there is disbelief, the only choice is disobedience. If I don’t believe who God made me to be, if I don’t believe I was created to be great, if I don’t believe in myself, then I won’t act in the right way. I won’t act or carry myself in the correct character. Instead, I acted as if I was too good, as if my stuff didn’t stink at all. My unbelief led to disobedience, which drove me to the road of arrogance. I became too good for the position, I became too good for the company, I became too good for my co-workers, I became too good for myself. I was just too good. Unbelief…Disobedience…Stop N’ Smell My Poop
I have come to believe God has a sense of humor. I work in healthcare and about a year ago I returned back to a facility I use to previously work for. The first time I worked with the facility, let’s say that I pre-maturely left. I don’t regret what happened as no one was there to help me because my mind was made up. When I was first hired by the previous organization, I was brought on to help with business development. The organization had a decent reputation but they needed to improve and that was my job, help change the perspective. As time went on the perspective of the organization was changing in the community and it was showing. The facility was consistently busy with patients coming in for care and leaving with great outcomes, things were coming together. As the perspective improved my self-implied stress improved right with it.
People started to believe in the facility and was obedient to the needs of the facility, obedient to the needs of the community. As people began to believe I began to believe more in my self-imposed stress. As my regional team believed in my department’s efforts, they began to see big and great dreams and began to push us towards them. I only saw ungrateful, selfish hearts that were just after money. In reality they were pushing us to the next level, but instead I pre-maturely jumped. I jumped and left the organization because I didn’t believe I could take them to the next level. I didn’t believe I had in me what was needed to get to the next level. I didn’t believe God put in me what was needed to complete the job, even though the job was already completed all I had to do was just do.
As my regional team was pushing us to that next level all I could see were excuses. Instead of being obedient to their guidance I became more disobedient to their will and became more obedient to my will, my excuses. As the facility fell more and more in line with the vision of the organization, I seemed to fall more out of line with the organization. For some reason I loved the struggle of everything, but when things started to get good, I began to fight back. I would rather have a hard life than the life God already made for me, a blessed life. Why does all the good things happen to everyone else but me, maybe if I believed I deserved it I would act in the right character. Instead, I chose to be disobedient and fight against the organizations vision, and our visions no longer lined up. I loved the struggle of life the organization loved the obedience to their vision. I chose my feelings first, while the organization chose the vision of the whole first. Unbelief…Disobedience…
With our visions no longer lining up I pre-maturely left and left for an organization where our visions did line up. They were struggling to get back their reputation and change the perspective of the community again, I was struggling to get back to my identity. Life of struggle. When we found each other, it was a match, strugglers struggling through life the way they only knew, life of struggle. I know I wasn’t made for a life of struggle, but I believed it was the only life for me. I’ve shed tear after tear for a better life, I have prayed for hours…God we have had conversations for hours. I have had enough of this life of struggle, but I can’t escape it. Only if something, just one thing changed in my life so I can come out of the life of struggle. In reality if I would have believed in myself and not been disobedient to their vision, I would have an easier time. Everything was being placed before us for success, I was on a successful team all obedient on the same thing, on one accord. My unbelief in myself lead to disobedience to the organizations vision and I pre-maturely jumped ship. But God has a sense of humor.
By the grace of God, I am back at the same facility but under a different organization, one that aligns better with community. We believe we are a resource for each other, resource for our community, our community is a resource to us. As we all believe in ourselves, believe in our community together we will all be obedient to each other’s needs and wants because if others need and wants are getting met then mine will. We are a community with one common unity.
“But let him ask in faith, nothing wavering. For the that wavereth is lie a wave of the sea driven with the wind and tossed.” (James 1:6)
