Contingency Plan…

I know I needed a contingency plan to put into place just in case things really went South. I could tell things were heading down a wrong path. I could either ignore the sign or take notice of the surroundings and begin to take action. Maybe it was time I put a contingency plan in place.

Now that I have a better understanding of my role at work and in the community, we serve, I can say I enjoy what I do. I can honestly say that I do enjoy my job in that with a better understanding I can appreciate the many efforts being made throughout the organization to make improvements. It can be easy getting wrapped up in the hustle and bustle of work no matter what industry one works for. Even though I enjoy my work I would use that as an excuse to get wrapped up in work with no contingency plan. No way out if things went South. I was passionate about my job, and I made sure others knew it. Wouldn’t an employer prefer someone with passion, someone who wanted to be there? I was passionate about my job but had no contingency plan in place.

I had moments of getting so wrapped up in work that it would show in my interactions at work. As co-workers came together to collaborate, here I am ready to bounce off the wall. Just waiting for that wrong move, that wrong text, that wrong email to set me off my rails once again. In my eyes it was ok to get worked up from all the buildup on the inside at work, it was ok because I had passion. I love what I do, and I care for the community, but I cared so much that I let the communities’ cares become a part of mine. The passion that I went out into the field with started to follow me around wherever we went. As time went on my fuse became shorter and shorter. As my co-workers interacted with me their approach was slower, it was calculated. Approach with caution was written all over me, but it was ok because the job is getting done.

I was starting to become less approachable, the passion for this work, this community was bleeding out into the streets. But I was becoming less approachable. The more I bleed out the harder it was to stand the stench. As I am bleeding out my resources are nowhere to be found, no one to stitch up this wound. Has my passion driven out those I really needed in my corner? I need a contingency plan just in case things really go South. I need to put together a plan before it gets out of control. I like my co-workers, I am passionate about my job for them. But should it be at the cost of my character? I can have all passion in the world but if I am not approachable how can we have conversations? How are we supposed to know how to work together? How to grow together? I need a contingency plan.

There was a contingency plan in place, but it was looking more like a permanent fix rather than a patch job. I knew how to work and get the job done, but I was doing it at the expensive of my character. My work ethic and character weren’t lining up. I had passion for the job, but I lost my passion for people. Was my job, my role, bigger than the people? I needed my co-workers, I needed my co-workers, We need each other. But I needed a contingency plan, better yet I needed a permanent fix of my character. There will always be something to do, some job that needs to get done. The real passion is with the people. The real love for the job starts with the people. I need to work with love not for love.