Take It Back…
Do we grind ourselves into the gears of progress as we grind away towards Our dream? At some point does the grinding just come to a halt?
These were some questions I was thinking about as I was writing down some thoughts before bed. When this specific journey of blogging started, I was focused just on my first blog. See, a few days leading up to the publication of my first blog I was working on some ideas and blogging just stuck with me. I was already writing in a journal so why not share with the world my thoughts. I already at that point shared some of my writings with a few people, and so blogging it was. I was so focused on that first blog I never thought what would happen after it is published. Well, a few more blogs were written before I began to map out the direction of the blogs and list goals. One of those goals was how many blogs will I publish before celebrating a little win along the way? It didn’t take long before I am writing them in increments of 5 and listed all the way up to 150. In my mind I figured after 150 I will be floating along in blog land publishing them left and right.
After completing my list of goals, I taped them to my wall in front of my computer. The most obvious place so that every day as I am blogging, I catch a glimpse of my goals and the check marks as I go down the list. But seeing that 150 really kept me going. To think that there are 150 blogs in me somewhere hiding and I was going to find all 150 of them and share them with the world. As time went on and wins were being celebrated the thought of writing 150 blogs was coming closer to reality. I knew that I had it in me to write 150 blogs, but actually believing it was another story. But another story wasn’t going to be written because I wasn’t afraid to go into battle. I believed I could do this, and I was going to do it, and at that point I decided to eliminate any writing goal. My trust and faith are in God, and I was going to trust in Him and not be focused on the goal of writing 150 blogs.
As I got closer and closer to writing 150 blogs, I got closer and closer to letting go. Blog 135, Blog 140, Blog 145…Blog, Blog, Blog, Blog was in my thoughts day and night. I was getting so close to accomplishing my goal. I wasn’t going to let anyone, or anything get in my way. Really nothing could because I was guarding the way, I was in the way. Life was cruising along, and I was cruising along right with it. Life outside was beautiful, Life all around me was beautiful. Everything in my life was good, but something wasn’t right. As I sat at my desk on writer’s block row, I am searching for an answer to why I landed here. I was doing everything according to the plan just as it was written out. I was faithful with my blogs, I was sharing with the world, I was being open, I put my trust in Him, my Elohim. Then, it happened. The moment I was waiting for, I believed and broke free and wrote blog 150.
But what happens after 150? I knew that I had more in me but that 150, that number I wrote down and spoke life into every day, while in the trashcan, was still alive within me. I was stuck but I was going to overcome and keep blogging along, but as time went on my thoughts began to dry up. I wasn’t going to let anyone, or anything get in my way, I was guarding the way, I was in the way. I began to work at freeing myself from writer’s block row. I began to work hard on my mental thoughts and would begin writing at any moment given. Hoping that just by the act of writing I could unlock that writers flow. Day by day staying diligently working, but diligently in the background worrying, and wondering. I knew I was in the way, but I had to guard my thoughts, I had to guard my blog…I had to let go of my blog. I had to live, I had to get out of the way. I Take It Back.
I had to take It back. I had to take my blog from myself and give it back to God and follow His plan. I was so busy in the way I forgot about why, I forgot about the We and was focused on the me. I thought I was the answer, but I wasn’t. I forgot to live and just be me and allow each blog to organically develop the way God intended for it to develop…My experiences with people and everyday living and just being me was the answer. It wasn’t I but me being with the We.
“For I know the thoughts that I think toward you, saith the Lord, thoughts of peace, and not of evil, to give you an expected end.” (Jeremiah 29:11)
