No More Thinking…
Passion - strong and barley controllable emotion
For the majority of my life, I have lived the life of an athlete. During my early years I was physically an athlete training for hours upon hours all of it compounding into years of sport after sport. All of it taking me to my goal of playing college football, and not just being a part of the team but doing my part. Not once did I ever not think of myself as an athlete as it was a part of me because of made it a part of me.
After I hung up my cleats, I had to learn how to live in the world without me partaking in physical team sports. Somewhere I had to keep what was connected to me connected. I had to learn how to live as an athlete no longer on the football field or wrestling mat, but in life. I was on a search for my next sport in life but all I was finding were sports leading to great status but un-fulfilling in my life. I was in physical shape, but my mental toughness was low. I didn’t know who I was or what I loved to do outside of being an athlete and physically training. A mental transformation was my next training ground. Not knowing where it will lead me but knowing it had to be done.
Writing became my passion as it was uncontrollable. As I began to add mental training with my physical training, I began to unlock this creative side of me. As I did in school, I began to write everything down that was coming to thought. The writing couldn’t be contained at times forcing me to squint at my chicken scratch as my hands couldn’t keep up with my thoughts. I was having so much fun, but I had to figure out a way to control this, It. I felt like I finally unlocked myself out of its cage. I delivered myself from all the self-doubt and found my life’s sport, writing. Now that I know why I was mentally training I have to now apply the training just as I did when I was physically playing sports. I delivered myself from self-doubt but how do I free myself of self-doubt?
Like any sport I ever attempted I had to go into this “Writing” blind and open. That was a hard task to do with decades of my own built-up crap covering this beautiful rose, my rose, my writing. I knew I was an athlete and no matter how hard anyone tried to take that away from me they never could. In reality it never mattered if someone was trying to label me an athlete or not, because I believed it. I knew I was an athlete; I know I am an athlete. There was no thinking about it because I lived it, walked it, talked it. But as a writer I had my own doubts, I didn’t believe it yet. How could I be an effective writer if I didn’t even believe in the talent God blessed me with? How could my words be effective if I didn’t believe I was a writer? I believed I could write because we are taught as children how to write. But I never claimed it for myself that I am a writer.
I felt I was running out of ideas as I was chasing the next words for a blog or the next chapter in a book. I was chasing every perfect idea away as I was trying to write the story instead of letting it organically develop. I was rushing the process as like I was the new hot freshman trying to take the starting position from the seasoned senior starter. See, the seasoned senior starter knew in order to finish and leave right with a good name they had to start right and do right, in order to leave right. The seasoned senior starter knew the importance of letting everything organically develop. Never taking the gas off their personal goals but understanding that in order for the team to be successful they have to be under control. They had to turn their passion of uncontrollable emotion into who they were. They weren’t just proving to others they were an athlete they were proving to themselves more importantly they were an athlete. Once they believed it, they no longer had to put on a highlight reel, because they were the highlight reel. Every play no matter in practice or in the game it was another highlight reel play. They were an athlete without thinking. Deliverance from self-doubt led to freedom of self-doubt, they became who they knew they were.
I am a writer, for now I don’t chase after it as I let It organically develop. I have found my life sport and now physically and mentally train as a writer. Physically training to deal with the pressures of life, mentally training to deal with the pressures of life. For the pressures of life come at you in many different shapes and sizes. For that I have mentally trained my brain to remain as a child as I was in high school playing/focused on my one main sport, the God given ability to write. But in the process finding other loves in life where I can also be effective. For Physical training protects me from the things I can see, and mental training protects me from the things unseen.
“I can do all things through Christ which strengthen me.” (Philippians 4:13)
