I Don’t See It…

I couldn’t see it, No pude verlo.

For so long I couldn’t see It. For so long I heard who I was and what I was great at. But still, I couldn’t see It. I knew the many talents that I had because as I child I was told I had these many talents. I believed the words, developed my talents and enjoyed the whole process. But still, I couldn’t see It. I couldn’t see me, Lorenzo.

I believed wholeheartedly that whatever wonderful words someone said about me were true. I believed their words in the moment and it was easy to act on those wonderful words in the moment. That was very important for me as a child and for every child to be able to put into practice the wonderful words spoken in the moment. I remember countless times either being in the classroom, on the football field, or the wrestling mat someone saying to me, you can do it. In that moment you believe their words and just like that you did it. You ran the play perfect, you figured out the math problem in front of the whole class, you finally hit that double leg with perfection. In the moment you believe what you heard, put it into practice and physically saw the wonderful words come to life, You can do It.

In those moments I knew that I could do It and I could do It all day. In those wonderful moments of receiving positive words I knew I could do whatever I put my mind to. But still I couldn’t see It, I couldn’t me, Lorenzo being that way with myself. I would put a stop to any great progress made. The road block many times showed up later on after I left the classroom, field, or wrestling mat. I knew I could do It with the right motivation around me, the right atmosphere. I for the life of me couldn’t figure out how to see what everyone else saw in me consistently. I had no problem believing in myself in the moment, but once away in my world the walls go up. In my past world my walls never came crumbling down as they only went higher and higher. It would have been easy for positive words to stick with me with my walls down but my walls were too high even for me. I built a wall so tall I blocked myself out from me.

I was my biggest threat to myself but I couldn’t see me. There was a new side of me that was on the search for me and was on a mean game of seek and find. The only way for me to find me was to do one thing. See me. I needed to see for myself this person, Lorenzo, who has had great things said about him, but still hides. The only way I could get through to myself was to love myself just as others have loved me. I have treated others how I want to be treated with love and was able to partake of the love, but my wall was too high for the love to enter into my mind. I acted out in love but I never thought the same love for myself. I had to see It, I had to see me, Lorenzo.

I had to start loving me and I began to love me for me. I was able to see what others saw about myself and as I started to believe my wall began to come down brick by brick. My belief began to remove bricks from my wall as I believed more in my heart and mind of the positive words said about me. As I began to believe the words more I began to give the words life and started to remove my own bricks. The love from others was creating this permanent atmosphere of the right motivation. I began to figure out for myself how to be more consistent in the right things. As great as words are from others the words I said and believed for myself has more of a greater impact than I thought.

I see It, Yo lo Veo.