K-no-W Where To Go…
Choices. We are left with them. Still sometimes I gave my choices away for free. I didn’t know where I was going, I was going no-where and fast. But in my heart, I was longing to shout now-here…Choices.
No matter how I viewed them as either a choice or a perspective it was the same mediocre result. The same thing over and over again me leaving my choices, my perspective of life in the hands of other things/people. I didn’t exactly know where I was truly going in life, because I didn’t know Me. When someone would want to have a deep conversation about life, I would get The question: What do you really want to do? That was an easy question to answer while on the job, promotion duh. But in reality, I couldn’t truly answer what I wanted to do, because I didn’t know me. It finally hit me if I was to know where to go in life, I must first find me.
During that process where I was finding Me, I found something greater, Understanding. I started off by myself trying to figure out who is Lorenzo. For so long I was leaving my life in the hands of things/people, and I wanted to break free from it. But I realized that my life was always in the hands of people/things because I didn’t know where I was going. As I doubted thoughts, ideas, and my abilities I began to shut down. I became quiet never speaking the truth of what thoughts and ideas come forth in my mind. People never knew me, so they created who they wanted me to be. I came to a better Understanding; I allowed my life to be molded according to what is seen not what was expected. I didn’t expect anything because in my mind there was no-where to go. Time for expectations…
Through time I began to really know me when I was around people. I began to expect more from myself as I came to this better understanding. I expect myself to speak forth the thoughts and ideas that come to my mind. As I began to expect more from myself others started to get more from me. People started to understand me more as I began to understand me more. When I was interacting amongst people was the time I really got to know me, but people really got to know me. As I began to feel more like me, I began to realize that it wasn’t always about Me. I am experiencing this new real me, because others finally get to experience the real Me. People no longer have to try to figure me out and mold me into what they want because I come already molded.
Through these interactions others were drawing more thoughts and ideas out of me that I guess was kept locked away. It was a secret to me too because I never knew there was a locked vault in my mind, but it was only revealed through my life with people. At one point I really believed that me and only me could figure Me out. I thought I knew where I was going but just missed a few turns here and there. I was so focused on me that I forgot to Stop N Think for a second maybe my life was like this because I played some part. How can others expect greatness from me if I’ve never had any expectations? How can we help each other if we don’t know where we are going? As I began to expect more out of me I began to open my eyes to not what is seen but what will be seen.
“But if we hope for that we see not, then do we with patience wait for it.” (Romans 8:25)
