Bold Confidence…
Something really was going on inside of me. This thing was growing, and while at times it felt awkward it wasn’t something new. I’ve been here before, this feeling, but the times in between the last visit was so long it was faint, a faint memory. Still, I can’t deny what I am feeling, and I can’t deny I like this feeling.
I’ve been working in the healthcare industry for a little over a decade, primarily in business development. While I have had some great moments over the past few years, currently I am experiencing something new but old. See, its new to me because I am focused on a different segment of healthcare but experiencing this feeling I had when I first started working in the industry. For the majority of my life, I have been surrounded by healthcare. My grandparents all worked in the industry from nursing to transporting equipment from one hospital to another. Even now a few of us are continuing to work in healthcare from phlebotomist, respiratory therapist, and many more. The point is healthcare is everywhere in my family. We are a loving and caring family.
That was one of the primary reasons I decided to focus on the healthcare industry. Coming from a loving and caring family helped to translate that into giving back to people and communities. That is when my career began as I decided I wanted to pursue this path and began as a recruiter specifically recruiting nurses for home healthcare. When I began as I recruiter I was all in and did whatever it took to get the job done the right way. I wasn’t looking to be the big man on campus as I just wanted to be the person who just listened, served, and loved to serve. I wasn’t looking for any handouts as I knew that there was a process I had to go through to make it to my next destination, management. I was so bold that I knew nothing but to work to get the job done the right way. I went that extra step because that was all I knew. I knew that to get to the management position I had to go that extra step every extra time.
My boldness grew into this bold confidence. I was a sponge and just wanted to learn as much as I could. I cared…I loved…My bold confidence shot me to places in my early career that were unexplainable. Doors were opened that were unexplainable, even as I write at this moment and think back, I have to say Thank You God. My bold confidence with the right mindset, right actions, led to the right outcomes. As my bold confidence grew over the years it began to re-shape itself. It re-shaped itself to be more inward instead of outward. Instead of me loving and caring for others I began to focus inward on me. Was my job secured, was I going to get these contracts signed, was I to get that big fat bonus? All I brought was worry as this bold confidence began to grow inward. All God wanted me to do was keep walking in love with my head high, boldly and confidently sure that my God, my Abba already had everything worked out. But I…I got in the way.
The more I got in the way the more worry started to take over my boldness. As my boldness began to fade my confidence began to fade along with it too. My bold confidence was becoming a faint memory in my mind. I was so focused on myself worry that I no longer boldly spoke up, I no longer confidently stood and walked with my head held high. Worry was taking over, and it did its job for some years. I was in constant worry with many of the days me not really knowing what I was worrying about. I was bringing on self-inflicted worry by not properly managing every aspect of my life. I was only focused on managing the aspects of my life that would fix whatever worry I brough on to myself. I knew this couldn’t go on forever and at some point it has to come to an end.
I wanted that bold confidence back in my life. That bold confidence that opened up doors that I still can’t explain. I want those bold confident unexplained moments that just brings smiles to everyone. I…I…I…I want what God desires for me to be. The love and care that I grew up with and that was carved into my heart and mind as a child was the foundation of my bold confidence. While I was looking for that boldness, God was looking for the love that brought the right boldness, the right confidence. If I was to find my bold confidence again, I was to find my love and care again.
